September 29, 2016

Weekend Update

chevyby Scott Benson
[email protected]

Good evening. These are tonight’s headlines….

Conspiracy Theorists Unite

Jay Mariotti called for an investigation. Chris Mortensen experimented with hallucinogenics.

Do you think Tim Graham knew what he was doing when he wrote of his colleague Mort’s reports, “The more we learn, the more inexplicable it gets”?

I want to believe he did. Anyway, it was a madcap day of post trade spin, which as far as I can tell involved neither participant in the actual trade.

Which is a red flag if I ever saw one.

Silly day. Even Tom Curran pulled a one-eighty overnight.

Sorry we ignored you while we balled our fists in rage, Fred Taylor

Here’s the way I figure it. Even at 33 years old, Fred Taylor is a better player than LaMont Jordan, the man he just replaced. Which he seems to understand perfectly. So what’s not to like?

You too, Chris Baker

If I was David Thomas, which I’m not, but if I was, I’d break my leg in a hurry. Just drive over to the stadium right now and do it in the parking lot.

Of course, last year at this time, I was predicting big things from former Jet Victor Hobson, who would have been great if he hadn’t sucked and got cut.

If You Love Something, Set It Free

Tully Banta Cain? Who’s next, Matt Chatham? This move may actually help because Banta Cain is a stronger pass rusher than Pierre Woods when coming off the edge, and having the two of them on special teams is bound to lead to an improvement there.

The Patriots also reached a three-year deal with James Sanders and his bad angles. I like James Sanders just fine (he’s no wallflower out there) but allow me to use this occasion to say for the four hundred thousandth time that the Patriots have to get a lot better in the middle of the field.  

Shhhhh! You’ll disturb our guests!

Let’s just hope Leigh Bodden and Shawn Springs didn’t have occasion to surf any New England fan boards over the last day or so. If they stop returning calls, we’ll know.

Bodden was run out of Detroit for not being a good enough football player to stick with a team coming off an 0-16 season. I really think this might actually be a point in Bodden’s favor, considering the source. At his size, he may be worth the gamble. After all, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like 60,000 people will start blaming him for everything.

Shawn Springs played with Archie Griffin at Ohio State, didn’t he?

Farewells

I tell you, I’ll give more pause to the loss of Jabar Gaffney than I will Mike Vrabel. Despite his inconsistencies last year, Gaffney was a dependable starting player and unheralded contributor to the running game with his downfield blocks. Besides, you realize this means the Patriots need a starting receiver at the same time they are in possession of three second-round draft picks, don’t you? Yikes. No trips to Florida this spring, Belichick.

Nice going, Wes Welker. Your showboating ways cost the Patriots Lonie Paxton.

You know, I’ve actually seen some people speculating that Josh McDaniels violated some kind of code by signing two former Patriots. Yeah, that was bad form, signing two players New England didn’t have contracts with.

Judas!

Comments

  1. Billy Bleak says:

    good Lord…..Mariotti must really be hurting. That was a, "LOOK AT ME!…PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!" column if I ever saw one…… Hey! maybe this will be "Bizarro World Spygate" Goodell holds investigation,deems trade too lopsided in Chiefs favor and orders Pioli to hand Pats their 1st round pick….lol…….who would a thunk it?…..Ron Borges a voice of reason.

  2. larry mollin says:

    good blast, scott. about how i feel…especially about the chilling, second round "Fla" receiver possibility. i actually saw a mock that had them taking Brian Robiskie with the late 2nd round pick. and i did like what I've seen of him so maybe good. i don't like what's out there with FA WR's. i wonder if hochstein will be LS now besides his other gigs. he may be destined for a new TV ad and troy brown renown..

    have fun.

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