November 20, 2017

Lint Trap

by Scott Benson
[email protected]

You know how on your clothes dryer, you have that big screen that collects up all the lint? Every couple of loads, you got to pull that thing out and collect all that gray matter from the screen with a kind of cotton candy-like move?

The following is like that.


That’s why it’s best to just shut up when something happens. On Tuesday I worried about some videotape of a slight limp at the first practice. By the end of the week, Brady was throwing and moving well with no apparent extra support on his ankle. Waste of breath, basically. Who’s better than Tom Brady with the Super Bowl ankle injury? I am really depending on a Grade A Brady on Sunday, by the way; it’s really the linchpin of my whole “28-0 in the first quarter, then slowwwwwwly pull away” strategy.

Big Shoulders

Jabar Gaffney is entirely off the injury report, which pleased me, and caused me to reflect how far he has come in 18 months. After four respectably productive years in Houston, Gaffney was basically out of football – cut by the Eagles, who had signed him as a free agent. Yet today, if he had been limited, or shelved entirely on Sunday, one of the most productive offenses in the history of football would have assuredly felt the absence of Jabar Gaffney.

Arlen Specter is Tired of Playing Second Fiddle Specter to Some Crazy Gun-Wielding Record Producer

Let me get this straight. Sen. Arlen Specter, architect of the Single Bullet Theory, is insinuating that a hurried investigation has ended with more questions than answers, and a wounded public now ever skeptical of their leaders. He would know, I guess.

Apparently, frequent Philly sports radio caller Specter (R-PA) just happened to drop a note on the same matter just before his beloved Eagles tangled with the Pats in November, and also wondered if there might be further inquiry as to the outcome of Super Bowl XXXIX.

We’ve officially bottomed out.
Hold On, This Just In

You haven’t officially bottomed out until you’ve had a Dan Shaughnessy Super Bowl Moment. Guess what – Dan-o flew all the way to Phoenix to tell us Boston will always be a baseball town no matter what the hell happens. No word yet on if this column was any different than the fifty times he’s run it before.

Here’s the thing – why does it have to be a Red Sox town, or a Patriots town? Why is it that with the Patriots on the verge of what may be the first 19-0 season in the history of professional football, I have to pause and pay tribute to the Red Sox? Why is that, Dan? And by the way, isn’t there a basketball team with an illustrious past that’s well positioned to once again do what they used to do in their sleep – play for a championship? Isn’t Boston excited about that, too? And the Bruins – even in my little Internet world, there exists a hearty band of followers who track the team’s every move and hope – against hope, it seems sometimes – for a return to the days when the strode the Boston sporting landscape like no other.

And they may yet again – no, they will again. One of the benefits to getting older is the understanding that these things are cyclical, and one day, those dogs will have their day, just like the Red Sox and the Patriots are having theirs now. And people will be excited about it, and their blood will boil, and their hair will we raise, and their throats will grow hoarse, and their spirits will be lifted. Because Boston isn’t a Red Sox town or a Patriots town.

It’s a sports town.

On Second Thought

The idea that a United States Senator would be so frivilous as to use the legislative branch of the federal government to stage a last minute ‘look at me’ grab in the final days before the biggest sporting event on earth is, well, about the norm, I guess. What, is he hoping to get Belichick up there? “We addressed this at the time, Senator, and right now we’re getting ready for the St. Louis Rams.”

What do people think was on those tapes? Guy giving signals, scoreboard. Guy giving signals, scoreboard.

What were they doing with the tapes? Using them to steal signs. In the same game? That seems doubtful, given that they were to be syncronized with other tape and then studied, and then reported back. In the same season? Hell yeah. Over multiple seasons? I don’t see why not. 

What’s being covered up? How about this – that people have been ‘cheating’ ever since the President of the Green Bay Packing Company started a football team? That it’s part of the game, and everybody does it, then and now (apparently, some better than others)? That if the professional twisted skirts make a Federal case – literally – out of every scout that was minding his own business in a coconut tree, the NFL would have nothing short of a full-on clusterfudge on its hands. And for what? Stealing the sign for a blitz? Sounds like reasonable incentive to ‘move on’ for everybody.

You know what? I’m realizing that I ought to do exactly that – I’ve wasted my time even going through this subject again. Hopefully the Honorable Senator Comcast will come to the same realization.

Talking Heads

I’ve heard that the New York Giants have been making the most of their moment in the sun, boldly talking up their prospects to anyone who would listen. They are particularly proud of their last game of the season, which they lost. I can’t say I blame them one bit for living it up while they can. In two years, no one will even remember they played in this game.


I can’t tell you how glad I am to see this week end. Just so happens we’re in breakneck mode at the office, with at least four weeks before we will catch our breath. So to have a few deadlines met and a few people happy (well, moderately satisfied, anyway) as Friday drifts on toward midnight, well, it feels great. I hope you are equally carefree tonight, knowing of course, that like everything, it’s only temporary.

But for now, the game. All week, Brady’s been telling people that the Patriots were going to make history, win or lose. He’s said it in a ‘not that we’re going to lose’ way, but there’s truth in it anyway, especially for us, the witnesses. As you arise this morning to begin your weekly respite from the real world, this time real history awaits. Win or lose.

I gotta say, though, the ‘win’ history sounds like the better deal.


  1. Bill Bleak says:

    yeah, it’s a good thing Shaugnessy is around to tell me this is a Red Sox town. All these years I thought football was my favorite sport and the Patriots my #1 team…..go figure…..Is the CHB on the Red Sox payroll or something?

  2. David Clemeno says:

    I’m old enough to have been a young boy in the early 60’s. Red Sox tickets were the easiest things in the world to get back then. They were truly awful. You could walk up on opening day, buy a cheap seat and then proceed to spread out once inside.

    Along came 1967 and things changed. To their credit, the Red Sox have been VERY competitive most years since then. It’s natural that there should be interest in a local team — WHATEVER THE FRICKIN’ SPORT — when they consistently compete at the top of their league.

    All this Red Sox versus Patriots versus whomever talk is just blather. We all know what the Clown-headed dooshbag is doing: pushing buttons. I suppose it’s possible that he also loves taking shots at the Pats because of past “slights” — still waiting for that breakfast invitation Dan?

    Having stated that I understand where it come from though, it still wrankles me to hear it. When “writers” who weren’t even alive in ’67 deign to tell me that “it’s a Red Sox town, always has been always will”, I just say, “Oh yeah, how the fvck do you know?”

    Scott had it right; it’s cyclical. The Bruins are a distant 4th on the local landscape, but trust me all you young whippersnappers out there — if the locals get a sense that they’re seriously trying to win Stanley Cups, all those yellow seats will magically disappear.

    What’s my point? Dunno if I have one really; just unloading a bit I guess. Patiently sitting here on a Saturday morning; drinking coffee and awaiting my beloved Pats to walk past the Red Sox, enter the Pantheon and take their seat at the head of the table.

  3. I found it HYSTERICAL that Jim Rome had the CHB on his show like 3 times this week. He was asking him questions such as,.. “so, Chad Johnson wants the Bengals to trade him. What do you think is going to happen with that, Dan?”…LMFAO! if Shaugnessy is some kind of “NFL Insider”…I would have been more interested in the opinion of a potted plant

  4. The apocalypse is near. I found myself agreeing with Salisbury this morning when he was discussing ‘spygate’ this morning. One thing that I would like Mike Fish to explain is the circumstances of Matt Walsh’s departure from the Patriots after the 03 season. Doesn’t exactly seem like it was civil. And why come out now despite knowing that the Patriots will probably sue him as a result of violating the confidentiality agreement he signed. Wonder is espn or the times offered to help him with his case should he tell them his story. Then again maybe I’ve just watched too many Oliver Stone movies

  5. jamesgarnerisgod says:

    And, back to the Oliver Stone “JFK”-related topic: I’ll give Specter this: He’s still sticking to the Single Bullet Theory, or at least he was about a dozen years ago when, as editor of the dearly departed Dover Times, I asked him about it after a Rotary forum in Somersworth, N.H. He said, simply, “It’s right.”

    That being said, Sen. Comcast might want to spend a little more energy on a few other things (bodies piling up in the Middle East, telecoms spying on Americans at Bush’s behest, CIA tapes being destroyed) than on why the NFL destroyed the Spygate tapes. But, then again, why set a precedent for Congress actually doing something worthwhile?

    Finally, the CHB may be on to something, or he could just be bucking for a raise. After all, the Globe’s parent Co. doesn’t own a stake in the Patriots.

    As far as my loyalties go, I’m devoted to the Red Sox, but I live and die by the Patriots. I’m glad the Celtics are doing well, and I’m mildly disappointed by the Bruins, but those latter two cases mean about as much to me as hearing some news about my down-the-street neighbor: I have some tangential interest in it, but it has no real bearing on my life.

    Oh, man, I just need this Bowl to get started already.

  6. The United States Congress should be investigating what Arlen Specter did for the $150,000 in bundled cash he got from Comcast.

Leave a Reply